


Dear Erik

by Kira_K



Series: Dear Charles [2]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Epistolary, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Past Abuse, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 09:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1936296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kira_K/pseuds/Kira_K
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik writes another letter for Charles. Charles replies this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Erik

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't leave them alone with no happy ending. So here is the sequel of Dear Charles.

Charles,

 

Let’s try it again.

Spending half my life in captivity I am not sure if I can be called sane but I do know that preparing for the worst is the way to survive. Survival. Survival of the fittest.

I can recognise that my thought-patterns are ... compromised? Different from those who were not held in captivity... Long-time abuse, especially when the mind is still malleable, and the abuser is an insane doctor with superiority complex can be damaging. I was taught that I was weak and only the strong had any rights. I was taught that making myself the strongest I can avoid being hurt, being tortured.

Yet, whenever I am not being argued with, whenever my views are not challenged, they seem the most logical; the way things are, the way things should be. I must be the strongest. My race must be the strongest to avoid its holocaust. Other races seek to destroy us and we must strike first. (How long did Egypt wait before declaring war on the newly-funded Israel? Only one day.)

You could remind me that my parents were human and therefore I am human as well; but unfortunately this is not a strong enough argument. Humans kill humans. Germans killed Germans – after all my parents’ nationality before they were made homeless was German. But killing somebody who is the same is quite hard for the soul; even for a damned one. So we make distinctions. They are not the same as we. They are black, red, yellow. They pray to a different G-d. They eat swine- they don’t eat swine. They have abilities we don’t. They are scary. They must be destroyed – don’t tell me you cannot see this. History is a series of wars. One group always fights for supremacy; one group fights for survival. Sometimes survival is achieved. Other times you are locked in camps or reservations and they wait for you to die.

 

What you don’t understand is that I was damned since the first drop of ink was sewed into my arm. I was damned twice when I let my mother die but killed a couple of guards. From that point on – I. Was. Damned. Peace? Heaven? Only a distant dream I had no way to reach, ever.

But even the damned love or Hell wouldn’t hurt so much more; so I met you and because misery loves company, I tried to damn you as well. I am glad you didn’t allow yourself to fall. I hate you because you let me go. I hate you because you didn’t come with me. I love your strength that allowed you to stay. I ... am confused by you. You are not weak – you play down your powers, your strength, even your willpower. You allow yourself to be led but only up to a point. You trust in humanity despite reading their minds, their intentions, their selfishness- never mind watching those actions. I noticed a couple of marks on your back – too old, too deep – and I didn’t dare to ask about them. I don’t think Raven knows about their history, or even remembers them; after all you always protected her, even when she didn’t want to be protected. (Who protected you, Charles?) I will keep your secret because you desperately want it to be a secret but... I hope whoever hurt you is dead. If not, tell me a name, and I will see to it. (And don’t tell me to not overreact; monsters need to be killed.)

 

* * *

 

Dear Erik,

 

You are unusually clear-headed about your own bent-views on humanity, strength and survival. How so?

I am well, thank you for asking. ~~However, I’d appreciate it if you kept yourself out of my business ie my body~~ While I agree that monsters need to be stopped, killing is not the answer. Killing is wrong. Stopping somebody from realizing their full potential, from making all those future choices – it is unbelievable, incomprehensible.

 

* * *

 

Dear Charles,

Stopped then. Tell me a name – I am willing to compromise in this.

Also, Emma dug her icy fingers into my mind after Cuba; and well. Distance and reading, and the need to stop the shivers. I had to learn how to sew up myself because I could not go to a doctor’s office... Also news about Stockholm made me furious; how come policemen don’t understand that the bank’s employees are depending on the good will of the robbers? They need to behave, they need to be good, they need to obey – and then I stopped myself before the knives started to fly. The psychology journals’ articles were quite interesting and relevant. Maybe you should study this field – it should help you with your school.

Love,

Erik

 

* * *

 

Dear Erik,

 

I won’t tell you a name. It is enough that it is over and done – no chance of it happening again.

Stockholm – I had to look up the bank robbery you have mentioned. I find myself arguing with you (how surprising) - surely the victims know they are victims and that the authorities are there to help them! Their best interest in both short and long term is to end their abuse and be free again. Surely, if there is a chance of outside help you accept it. Don’t you?

Psychology? I might look it up though attending an university is not as inspiring now as it had been back then. (Parties and girls and smelly socks – that’s what my first year had been like.) Unfortunately it’s no longer the sixties...

Charles

 

* * *

 

Dearest,

 

The thing with monsters is that they are not content with only one victim. They find new ones; they make sure that they have ... entertainment. If one gets away there is always another one nearby. You owe those new victims the chance to be free of the abuse; please tell me you stopped them, they are dead or in jail. Please. Or contact your darling authorities and allow them to help you.

It is not simple like that. Also 6 days versus 6 months or 6 years – the damage that can be done to a human is staggering. Even when you can recognise the signs in yourself you cannot fight your conditioning. (I needed more than ten years just to try and find Herr Doktor – and notice, I still think of him as Herr Doktor. With the utmost respect and fear.)

How goes your school?

 

Erik

 

* * *

 

Charles,

You did not reply. I am... disappointed and confused again; but then you always managed to make me feel confusion. Also, let it be noted that getting something and then taking it away? Is a torture method.

Ah well. It was nice while it lasted. It is time to return to Hell.

* * *

 

 

Erik,

I am sorry, it was not my intention to confuse you or hurt you. I was simply busy; the school keeps me busy – both mine and the psychology course I take. You were right, it is a fascinating topic, and I learn every day something new about the human mind and soul and it is incredible how much more I can understand from those stray thoughts that are too loud for me to ignore. Like I just found out the cipher for a code I had been reading without really understanding the hidden messages because it is a clever cipher – the cleverest as it was created by the hundred millions of people who think through the same patterns and see things the same way but are still individuals with their own hopes and dreams and fears. It is fascinating.

I cannot promise you any regular exchanges; what little free time I have I spend trying to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes as before with my ~~family~~ friends. (Of course, if you could find the time to come here, we could speak in person while I do some paperwork...?)

 

Charles,

 

**Author's Note:**

> Commnets, kudos make my day.


End file.
